


Karkat Vantas' Log of Morons

by pisss, Voidfrick



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Coming of Age, Depression, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Insomnia, Multi, POV Karkat Vantas, Slow Burn, Trans Kanaya Maryam, Trans Karkat Vantas, davekat is the main relationship, future abuse mention, just typical dave stuff, most of the relationships are background, tags will be updates as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pisss/pseuds/pisss, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfrick/pseuds/Voidfrick
Summary: I hate this place, I really do. All I want is to graduate in one piece, but even that seems to be an ever fading possibility. My grades are slipping into dangerously low C territory, and I’m finding it harder to give a shit about anything anymore.My name is Karkat Vantas, and I fucking hate high school.________________A story about two idiots falling in love and the crazy shit that they and their friends get into.





	1. Observation

**Author's Note:**

> haha yo its's void here. been a while, I know. i'm going to apologize in advance for the upload schedule of this one. it's my first shot at a multi-chapter fic, and my writers block is the biggest bitch in the world. i'll get out chapters when i can, and i hope you enjoy them! this one will hopefully be a long one.

I hate this place, I really do. All I want is to graduate in one piece, but even that seems to be an ever fading possibility. My grades are slipping into dangerously low C territory, and I’m finding it harder to give a shit about anything anymore.

My name is Karkat Vantas, and I fucking hate high school.

There are a few people that keep me from becoming the world’s most disgusting goddamn gore pancake in the school’s front parking lot. Unfortunately, or fortunately for them, I could probably count them all on one hand.

1\. Kanaya Maryam, my best friend. We have been acquaintances since birth, but in pre-k, she kicked someone in the shin when they called me fat. I told them to go fuck themselves prior to her interference, and a real bond was formed in the time-out corner. She started wearing skirts in middle school, which struck everyone else as odd. I always thought they looked nice on her, and I never really questioned shit. In 7th grade, she told me she was transgender and to call her Kanaya. At first I didn’t really understand, but everything started to make sense later on. She’s actually the reason I found out that I’m a guy. Weird how a simple Google search can change your entire damn life, isn’t it?

So, in short:

Kanaya Maryam  
Grade: Junior  
Friends since: Pre-k  
Description: Well first off she's gorgeous, very tall and slender, graceful, and talented. She loves designing and making clothing, botany, and reading. Of course, her taste in literature is garbage, but that’s probably her only flaw. She likes to come off as elegant, mothering, and feminine. She’s also fully prepared and able to kick anyone’s ass, ever.

Height: 6'0

Race: Pakistani

∆: Refined gay

 

2\. The rest of my tiny friend group. I’m not exactly Mr. Popular, to say the least. To most of the people in this dump, I'm practically invisible. I think I like it that way. The people that know of my existence (Other than Kanaya, of course) are as follows:

Nepeta Leijon  
Grade: Sophomore  
Friends since: 8th grade  
Description: So to keep it simple, she’s a damn furry. Always has been, always will be. She’s actually a sweet person, cares a lot about her friends, blah blah blah. Her best friend, Equius, scares the shit out of everyone alive. But in reality, she’s the scary one. She’s tiny, but will probably remove your eyes and feed them to her cat if you piss her off. Oh, and she had a massive crush on me her freshman year. Unfortunately for her, she’s my dad’s girlfriend’s daughter. It was awkward as hell, to say the least.

Height: 4'10

Race: African American/White

∆: H-Hewwo?

 

Sollux Captor  
Grade: Junior  
Friends since: 4th grade  
Description: Don’t even get me started on this asshole. We’re in the same damn boat friend-wise. Neither of us had a lot growing up, so we kinda ended up sticking together. He’s a sarcastic, nihilistic, jackass… Who is also a fucking genius. He lives and breathes for computers and even writes fucking viruses for fun. I used to be his favorite test subject. We had a short fling in freshman year, but we both agreed to just stay friends. Thankfully the awkwardness subsided and everything feels like normal. Lately he’s been spending most of his time with his new girlfriend, Aradia. Guess he doesn’t have time for the rest of us anymore.

Height: 6'1

Race: Chinese

∆: Refuses to go to speech therapy

Terezi Pyrope  
Grade: Junior  
Friends since: Freshman year  
Description: Nothing can really quite describe Terezi. She’s the strangest fucking person I’ve met in my entire damn life. She’s OBSESSED with Dungeons and Dragons and keeps trying to get me to play it. She claims she’s the best “DM” ever, whatever that means. She loves to dye her hair crazy-ass colors, despite the fact she can’t even see it; She’s been blind since birth. She wears those nutso fucking dragon graphic tees that you only see bikers or overweight women in their mid-forties shopping at Walmart wearing. She also has these odd glasses with red lenses that she never takes off. Yet somehow, they suit her. She’s loud, weird, hilarious, and last year I swore on my life I was in love with her. It really hurt when she turned me down.

Height: 5'3

Race: Chinese/White

∆: Is she even real?

Vriska Serket  
Grade: Junior  
Friends since: **_NEVER_**  
Description: I’m not friends with Vriska at all. As a matter of fact, she’s on a list of people I hate the fucking most. I decided to talk about her here to tell you how much I despise her awful ass. She’s a nosy bitch with a power complex. The only reason anybody ever talks to her is because they’re too afraid of her to tell her to piss off. Well, everyone except for Terezi. Terezi hated her in freshman year, but something changed. She never really explained how in the fuck that happened. Vriska is a recent addition to the group, seeing as she’s now Terezi’s girlfriend. She’s obnoxious, her laugh is grating, and she doesn’t deserve Terezi in the slightest. End of story.

Height: 5'9

Race: White

∆: HUGE BITCH

Gamzee Makara  
Grade: Senior  
Friends since: Sophomore year  
Description: Sophomore year was my downfall. I kinda got into a lot of shit last year. I briefly developed an alcohol addiction, started smoking weed, and made many other questionable choices. Gamzee is my dealer. I started talking to him more and we smoked together on the weekends. We don’t talk very much anymore, but he still eats lunch with the group sometimes. Honestly, he kinda scares me now. Some of the stuff he talked about when he was high… was concerning, to say the least. He got his face tattooed to look like he has clown makeup over the summer, and I now hear rumors of him threatening some graphic fucking shit. I don’t smoke very much anymore, but I still get the occasional blunt from him on bad days.

Height: 6'4

Race: Spanish/White

∆: Starting his own religion?

Feferi Peixes  
Grade: Junior  
Friends since: Sophomore year  
Description: Who isn’t friends with Feferi? She’s super friendly, insanely rich, beautiful, and throws a party every other damn weekend. She doesn’t exactly eat lunch with the group, but she still talks to me in classes and in the halls. Gamzee used to drag me out to every single one of her parties last year. I stopped going with him. The aftermath makes me sick to even think about. Occasionally I go with Terezi and Vriska, but I’m usually just a fucking third wheel.

Height: 5'6

Race: African American

∆: Named her pet hermit crabs after famous marine biologists

John Egbert:  
Grade: Junior  
Friends since: This year  
Description: I recently just met this massive fucking dork, John. He’s a huge fan of Ghostbusters and some kids tease him in the halls regarding something to do with Nicholas Cage. I don’t even think I wanna find out why. He has tacky blue braces and a completely decked out locker, which is directly next to mine. I haven’t put a single thing out of the ordinary in mine. He’s overly friendly and started a conversation with a bright smile on his face first thing in the morning on the first day of school. I was sure he’d be my worst enemy. Somehow, he’s grown on me like some sort of weird mold. He likes to prank his other friends and some of the shit he’s pulled was enough to make even me nearly piss myself laughing. He has another group of friends he eats with though, but he’s told me he’s going to convince them to join us. I really hope they’re not carbon copies of him. One John is enough for the world.

Height: 5'5

Race: Native Islander/White

∆: Kinda makes me wanna vomit

3\. My family, which consists of my dad and my brother. Both of which are religious freaks. Thankfully they both seem accepting, but I’m not about to test that theory. My dad’s had it rough, especially after the divorce. He got full custody of me and Kankri but lost half the family income. We had to move to a smaller house and my dad now works three jobs, one of which is only on some weekends. Kankri and I have trouble finding jobs, with Kankri never shutting up and me being a bitchy asshole. I’ve been job hunting for a while, but for now Kankri has a job at the grocery store. I’ve been looking into a job at the library, but they probably won’t hire me. I know the divorce had to be harder on Kankri. He’s two years older, so I know he remembers it better. I was only three when they finally called it quits, from what I’ve been told it hadn’t been healthy for a while.

We get our mouths from our dad but I get my short temper from my mom, it’s clear that they would never have worked out. I’m probably lucky I don’t remember most of it. There wasn’t much of a custody battle when everything happened, even though my dad isn’t well off he was still the better-suited guardian. Plus, I really don’t think she was fighting too hard to keep us. When my parents met it was after my mom had been in a church-ran AA for three years. My dad was an avid member of the church. They became friends, my dad supported her through her addiction, and they started dating after she was sober. She had a few slips, but she was mostly clean until after I was born. She couldn’t handle everything between work stress, a toddler, a crying baby, and anything else life was throwing at her. She started drinking again. At first it was just a drink a day, but she quickly returned to her old habits. She started to fall apart and even got a little violent when she was drunk. Our dad did what was best for us, and divorced her. We haven’t heard from her since, other than her child support payments. Now Dad is dating Ariel Leijon, who I stated earlier is Nepeta’s mom. Dad’s been happier since they got together. I honestly think they might get engaged by the end of the year.

Wow. Three whole things keeping me from killing myself. I sigh and walk into the school building. Clumps of people stand in their usual areas: random sketchy losers that all sit along the same wall without talking, stoners with their messy hair and tattered clothes, loud and obnoxious freshmen screeching about the latest app, and groups of girls with judgemental looks and painted faces. I see a group of people chatting amongst themselves. They seem to be dressed in expensive clothes and have an overly relaxed attitude. Feferi is amongst them and she makes eye contact with me. She waves hello and I awkwardly wave back, walking towards the group.

“Have you seen Kanaya?” I ask her. Fuck, now the whole group is curiously looking at me. Most of them are unfamiliar, but I do recognize one face:

Eridan Ampora  
Grade: Junior  
Known since: Sophomore year  
Description: My ex-boyfriend’s younger brother. The Ampora family is stupid rich, and they live down the road from the Peixes’. Eridan is a snobby asshole, and sometimes if you listen to him talk he sounds slightly homicidal. He has a patch of hair in the front that he bleached blonde, despite the fact it looks like shit and everyone knows it. He gets on my nerves while simultaneously scaring the shit out of me, and I avoid him as much as possible.

Height: 5'4

Race: White

∆: Denies his Harry Potter phase

Currently, he’s looking me over and scowling as if he’s sizing me up. It’s making me uncomfortable. Feferi looks like she’s thinking for a second.

“I think I saw her heading towards the art hall? I’d check there. I know I saw her this morning though!” She replies.  
“Okay, thanks.” I say as quickly as possible and walk away.  
I hear her call a “No problem!” behind me. She’s probably the only good egg out of that whole group, but yet again I did see her do a keg stand one time.

I walk down the art hall, scanning for Kanaya’s familiar tall figure. Eventually, I spot her speaking to the design teacher. Kanaya hasn’t shut up about the class since the beginning of the year. It’s only been a month, but still. A month is a long ass time. She notices me in the hall and signals for me to come in. She finishes up her conversation with the teacher before addressing me.

“Good morning, Karkat. Did you sleep well?” She asks.  
“Kanaya, I didn’t sleep at all. You?” I grumble back.  
“That’s the third day in a row. How on earth are you still awake? Weren’t you going to talk to your doctor to try to get sleeping medication?” She looks me over.  
I fidget with the headphone cord in my pocket. “I haven’t had the damn opportunity to yet. Dad had work so I missed my last appointment. Anyway, I’m fine, I’ve stayed up longer. I get power naps at the end of U.S. History.”  
She sighs. “Karkat…” She stops, knowing it’s no use to try and lecture me about my sleeping habits. “Did you at least do your homework? Please tell me that’s what you stayed up doing.”  
“No, I stayed up all night watching videos of cats trying to eat damn spaghetti. Yes, I did my homework. Part of it at least. I kept getting distracted. What the fuck does it matter anyway?”  
She closes her eyes and sighs. Oh god, here comes the “Mom Lecture.”  
“Karkat, I’m seriously worried about you. What grades do you have right now? You’re not failing any classes, are you?”  
I roll my eyes. “Keep your mind on your own damn grades, don’t worry about mine. I’m not failing anything, alright? Just get your head out of my ass. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine and dandy.”  
She locks her piercing green eyes with mine. “You weren’t drinking again last night, were you?”  
I try to avoid eye contact with the best of my ability. Kanaya has one of those looks that make you feel as if she’s staring into your very soul and she knows everything you have ever done or thought about doing. “No, I wasn’t. Stop looking at me like that. Jesus. I just couldn’t fucking sleep.”  
She clearly doesn’t believe me, but changes the subject anyway. “Whatever you say.” She glances across the room and there’s a moment of silence before the five minute bell rings. She waves goodbye and heads over to her seat. Shit, I haven’t even stopped by my locker yet.

John must have already gotten his shit and left by the time I get there. I fumble with my combination before grabbing my notebook and booking it to class. I’m nearly late, but I make it. I see Sollux sitting in the back corner, texting away. I nod a hello to him. He doesn’t even acknowledge me. Someone took my usual spot, so I’m forced to sit in the front next to some gothic-looking blonde taking notes in purple pen. Her handwriting is disgustingly neat. I open up my notebook and take a look at my chicken scratch. My notes are unorganized, illegible, and bland. I study the girl next to me a little more. She has a fashion taste that would make Kanaya scream, perfectly done makeup, and carefully swept hair. Her nails are painted black and her face is dotted with freckles. The teacher drones on about equations and bullshit. I quite frankly couldn’t give less of a shit. I don’t know why I bothered taking honors courses. My GPA already ate shit last year. I should have switched to academics.

I watch the girl write notes. She writes incredibly fast, and with stupidly good accuracy. It doesn’t even look like she’s looking at the paper. How the fuck is she-

“Can I help you?” Fuck.  
“Huh, what?” Wow, nice one Vantas.  
“You’ve been going between staring at me and staring at the wall for the last minute and a half. Care to explain what I’m doing that is so interesting to you?” She’s never even made eye contact! She didn’t look at me once! How the fuck?!  
“I have a weird habit of studying people.” WHY IS THAT THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MY MIND TO TELL A COMPLETE STRANGER WHO I’VE JUST BEEN STARING AT FOR THE PAST MINUTE AND A HALF?!  
She smirks, still writing. “Not a bad one to have, Vantas. It’s a pretty useful skill, observation I mean.” She finally looks at me. She’s looking at me and writing exactly what’s on the board. Who the fuck is she? How is she doing that? How does she know my name?  
“How do you know my name?”  
“Observation. You’ve fallen asleep three times in this class. The teacher just wakes you up by calling your last name, so I technically don’t know your actual name.”  
I stare at her in amazement. “Karkat… Is uh… My first name. What’s your name?”  
She smirks. “Observe.”

She raises her hand to answer the example problem the teacher had put on the board moments before. Just looking at all the symbols and numbers makes my head hurt.  
The teacher waits a moment for any other hands to raise before pointing at the girl. “Rose?”  
“376.47.”  
“Correct.”  
Rose smiles in satisfaction before turning to me. “Lalonde… Is uh… My last name.”

Holy fucking shit.

 

Rose Lalonde  
Grade: Junior  
Known since: Just now  
Description: One extra son of a bitch.

Height: 5'6

Race: White

∆: Goth gf


	2. Lunch

So, I suppose I should give Rose Lalonde a proper mental log, for her first impression at least. 

Rose Lalonde v1

Grade: Junior

Known since: The beginning of this class

Description: She seems to be a fucking perfectionist. It’s like every single part of her is neat and collected, from the wings of her eyeliner to the elegance of her handwriting. She’s obviously intelligent, and she might even give Sollux a run for his money. She’s mysterious in a way that is honestly kind of interesting. She also seems like she must be in her post-emo phase, seeing as she wears dark, yet respectable clothing. Rose has a fashion sense that is slightly better than mine, which isn’t saying much. She doesn’t seem too terrible, and talking to her was a experience to say the least. 

Height: 5’6

Race: White

∆: Goth gf

 

We didn’t talk too much after the initial introduction though. I just asked her for help on a few problems that the teacher forced us to solve. She didn’t act condescending like Sollux, which was a relief, but I feel like she was getting tired of me by the fifth problem. The bell rang and I went back to my locker. My next class is English, the only goddamn class that I’m making above a C in. I grab my books and head to the classroom, waving at John in the hall. He’s walking with Dave, someone who it kinda hurts to see. 

Dave Strider

Grade: Junior

Known since: 6th grade

Description: So we were pretty close back in middle school, for a while at least. It was another situation where neither of us had very many friends so we naturally hung out together. He always wore these tacky anime shades, which he later replaced with a pair of aviators. He never gave a straight answer when he was asked why. I remember him always being skinny as a pole, wearing tattered clothes, being covered in bandages and acting flinchy as hell. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that something was happening at home. He never talked about it, and most of the kids saw him as someone to pick on. Over time, I ended up developing a huge crush on him. I felt like I could trust him with my life, so he was one of the first people I came out as trans to. It didn’t end well. He called me a freak, started being an ass towards me over it and anything else he possibly could, and then after about a month he stopped talking to me altogether. 

Height: 6’0

Race: White

∆: I...Kinda miss him.

 

I still hate thinking about it.

 

I focus my attention back to the class I’m heading to. I know Kanaya is in my class, which means I don’t have to take a shot in the dark with the seating situation. My tiredness starts to catch up to me as I drag my feet to the classroom. I’d kill for a coffee right now. I walk in and plop my ass next to Kanaya. She’s re-reading the last Twilight book for the fourth time, but looks up at me when I arrive. She bookmarks the novel and puts it under her desk. 

 

“Hello Karkat. You look exhausted. Do you want me to try to cover up your dark circles?”

“God, no.” I crinkle my nose with a grimace. “I’d rather lay in my own piss for an hour than have that paint all over my damn face.” 

She snorts. “Don’t be so dramatic. Are you positive? You know I have your skin tone.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m well aware you do, I’m the one who gave it to you! You should get rid of that shit though, it’s old as fuck and god knows I’ll never use it.”

“I like to hold onto it. It’s the first makeup product I’d ever received. I’m eternally grateful for it.” She smiles, reaching into her purse and grabbing a tube of lipstick. She quickly touches up her makeup, without getting even a speck of pigment out of line. I’m reminded of the girl in my first class and I decide to bring her up. 

“Do you know a Rose Lalonde?” 

Kanaya’s face slightly flushes a shade of pink. “Well, yes… I know  _ of _ her. We don’t exactly talk, but I’m well aware of who she is. Why?” 

I smirk. “You’re fucking obvious. How long have you had a crush on her?”

She quickly smacks a hand over my mouth. “You’re very loud, Karkat. I do not exactly want other people to know my personal business.”

I lick her hand and she quickly pulls it away. “How long?”

She gets quiet as she wipes her hand. “Well...since the beginning of the year I suppose. She’s in my history class. She’s just so intelligent, elegant, and quick-witted. Rose is a dream come true, quite frankly. I wish talking to her proved to be an easy task.” Kanaya opens up her notebook and begins to work on the warm-up. I do the same.

“Kanaya, talk to her. She was in my math class this morning. I was watching her take notes because her handwriting looks like goddamn font, and then she started talking to me. Somehow she knew I was watching her without looking at me once?”

Kanaya blushes again. “Then she must be well aware of my existence by now. However, she hasn’t said a word to me regarding the matter… Or any matter.” She frowns, picking at the corner of her paper. I honestly feel bad for her. I know the last relationship she was in wasn’t the healthiest, and she hasn’t been in a serious one since. It’s been years; she deserves to be with someone nice.

“Hey, maybe I can put good word in for you? She doesn’t seem completely terrible. I could probably stand to talk to her again.” 

Kanaya ponders the request for a moment. “Don’t be too obvious about it. We don’t even know if she’s gay.” 

I finally finish up the warm up. Kanaya’s been done for quite a while. “Worst case scenario you end up with a friend?” 

“I suppose you’re right, though it would still be painful to be turned down.” She begins to chew on her nail and I swat her hand to stop her.

“Hey, you’ve been getting better with that. No need to turn your fingers into bloody stubs over some dumbass crush.” 

She sighs, but stops. “I would argue, but I know you’re right. I like to believe I did a good job painting my nails this time.”

I give her a small smile. “Of course you did. You always manage to do everything fucking perfectly.”

She smiles back and thanks me. We fall into a comfortable silence.

 

English comes and goes without anything too terribly exciting happening. We analyze the chapter we were supposed to read last night, which I actually managed to do. Afterwards we just cranked out some stupid fucking grammar exercises until the bell rang. The day is starting to drag on as my exhaustion consumes me.

 

This time, I catch John at the locker. 

“Hey man! You scared me this morning. I thought you took a sick day.”

I grumble in response. “I scare a lot of people. Why would it matter to you if I didn’t show up today anyway?”

John’s face explodes into a toothy (and bracey) grin. “Weeeeeell…It’s because I have super awesome news for you!” 

“Color me stoked.” I deadpan. “What is it?”

He looks like he’s about to burst if he doesn’t tell me his “super awesome news” right this second. “I convinced my friends to move over to your table for lunch! I can’t wait for you to meet them! I’m also super excited to talk to your friends more, they seem really cool.”

“Jesus fuck, don’t tell me they’re like you.” I groan. Now I’m starting to dread lunch. That’s a first.

John punches my arm lightly. “Hey! I’m not that bad, jeez. We’re all pretty different though. You saw me with one of them in the hall earlier, the tall one remember?”

I freeze and panic, scraping every crevice of my brain for something to say. “Yeah… the blonde borderline stick figure, Dave?” 

“I guess you could say that…” John pauses for a moment before continuing. He’s not really smiling anymore. God. Fuck. That’s not exactly the best way to talk about someone who’s abused, is it? “Yeah. He’s one of the other three. I think he said something about knowing you from middle school?” His obnoxious smile is back. I guess it could be worse. 

“Um, yeah.” I grab my sketchbook and pencils as I quickly check the time. I kinda have to take a piss. I still have enough time to, and it’s a good excuse to end this conversation. “Hey John, I gotta pee so I’m gonna head to class.”

“Oh, alright! See you at lunch then!” He offers me a fistbump. I roll my eyes and weakly bump it. He seems satisfied with that as I quickly walk away in the direction of the nearest bathroom.

 

I look around. Nobody nearby seems to be paying much attention as I slip into the men’s restroom. I quickly grab a stall in the back corner and do my business, eavesdropping on a drug deal in a separate stall. One of the voices sounds familiar.

Meulin Leijon

Grade: Senior

Known since: 8th grade

Description: The adopted older sister of Nepeta looks nothing like the rest of her family. She’s fairly tall, very pale, and has long wavy ginger hair. Her eyes are a similar shade of green, but that’s just about the only resemblance. She too, is a furry and she was always super sweet to Nep and I when we were younger, but in the past year she’s kinda grown distant and quiet. She’s dating Kurloz Makara, Gamzee’s terrifying older brother, and I have a feeling he’s part of the reason she’s keeping to herself. From the sound of it, she must be part of his “business” now. She’s currently dealing some cocaine to some desperate sounding kid. Times have fucking changed, apparently.

Height: 5’7

Race: White

∆: OwO give her your money

 

I wash my hands and get the hell out of there, heading to the art hall. I don’t know why I decided to take art. I’m complete shit at it, and I nearly have a D in the class. Maybe I can get Kanaya or Nepeta to help out? Right now, we’re supposed to be drawing an animal of our choice. I decided to draw a crab, but at the moment it looks like a lumpy hamburger with legs. I sigh loudly and drop my pencil, leaning back in my chair. Would it honestly be so bad if I dropped out? Meulin seems to be doing well with her drug business. I could probably make meth.

 

My stomach starts to growl. Damn, I should have snuck a snack in. I decide to look around the room, but I don’t really recognize anybody in here. This is probably the point where I’m supposed to talk to someone new, but I’ve never really been too good at the whole “making friends” thing. It usually ends in me accidentally insulting the person I’m trying to talk to. I grumpily return to my work and fight the urge to tear my poor crab in half. I feel bad for creating him. He didn’t deserve this. The more I draw, the more I start to think about Dave. He used to doodle all the time in class, drawing little birds on wires and cool ass ninja fights. I remember one time when he drew me a tiny little crab after I went on a rant for hours about how much I loved them. I held onto it for years, but now I have no idea where it went. Why am I still thinking about some dumb shit that happened in middle school anyway? It’s been fucking years! I’m much better off without that transphobic asshole anyway…Right?

 

…Right?

 

God, I’m not looking forward to lunch.

 

____

 

I sleep through the majority of chemistry, thankfully woken by Terezi before the bell rings. Luckily I can just bum the work off her when I slack off. I’ll probably fail the final but I might just be able to barely pass the class. Terezi and I go our separate ways to our respective lockers. We used to walk to lunch together every day, but… Whatever. She’s happy with Vriska. I have to accept that. I’ve never really been good at accepting things though, have I?

 

I drag my feet to my locker and put my shit away. Right when I turn around to walk to lunch I smack straight into someone. Who the hell is even quiet enough to sneak around like that? I mean, I didn’t even hear the fucker until I —

 

I look up to be greeted by a pair of aviators and an emotionless face: Dave. For a split second, I notice everything that hasn’t changed about him: his freckles, pale skin, fluffy hair… But then I realize all the things that have. His height, weight, and face have… And he looks healthier? Before I know it he starts to talk to me, and holy shit has his voice changed. 

“Oh shit dude, my bad.”

I look away and grumble back. “Whatever.” I sound like a fucking third grader. Why couldn’t God or whoever’s up there grace  _ me _ with a little testosterone?

 

We fall into an awkward silence. John stares at us, looking from one to the other. 

Dave attempts to start a conversation. “So uh, s’up?”

I look at him like I just witnessed half of his brain cells die. “S’up? Really?”

“Yeah? You got a problem with s’up? What did he ever do to you? He’s just trying to live his life, man. You don’t have to be so — ”

I cut him off. “Christ, I get it. Nothing is what’s up right now. Nothing except us three walking to lunch in complete silence and not talking for the entire duration of it. Got it, Dave?”

Dave flinches away a little bit. I feel the tiniest bit of regret for snapping at him, but crush it when I remember the shit he put me through. 

John decides to join the conversation before it gets too heated. “Well, uh… I guess we should be doing that. Rose and Jade are probably already down there, actually. So, um… yeah! Lets go.” He looks like he might be regretting his decision. Poor kid doesn’t know what he got himself into. I’m at least excited to see Kanaya’s face when Rose sits down at the table though. 

 

We walk down the hallway in almost complete silence, broken only by Dave and John exchanging a few words. I stay a few steps ahead of them, not wanting to be any part of their conversation. Hopefully this will end up being a one day thing, and afterword John and I will revert back to simple locker conversation. I don’t know how long I can stand talking with Dave again. 

 

The three of us make it to the cafeteria and Dave makes his way over to the table. I look over. The usual members are present, with an additional two. One of which is Rose, and the other I assume is Jade. Jade has long wavy hair and seems to be excitable like John. She might be a handful. Dave takes a seat next to Rose. They exchange a few words before Dave starts to introduce himself. I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look over and see John with a concerned expression on his face. 

“Hey, um… It’s none of my business and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but… What happened between you and Dave?” 

I remain silent for a moment. John continues to speak. “I really hope you don’t actually mind me bringing my friends over! I didn’t mean to intrude or anything, I just kind of wanted to be better friends.”

I let out a small sigh and reply. “No, no. I’m an antisocial asshole but I don’t really give a shit. Sometimes, new faces are nice. It has nothing to do with that.” 

John thinks of what to say for a second. “So I guess it has something to do with Dave?”

I nod. “Hey, I don’t really want to get into it right now though. We just… Let’s just say we stopped talking for a reason.”

“Oh, alright.” John falls silent as we go through the lunch line. A few minutes later, he adds another comment. “It’s just… really weird? He got excited when I told him we were going to be eating with you and your friends. He actually smiled.” I feel a sharp pain of regret in my stomach.

“John, can we drop it? I’ll play nice for today but… I don’t really want to fucking talk to that asshole.” He looks confused and opens his mouth to say something, but he shuts it. He doesn’t bring Dave up again.

 

We bring our “food” over and sit down at the table. John sits on the other side of Dave, and I sit next to Kanaya. This is the most crowded our table has been in months. I scout my surroundings and see: Jade and Nepeta, making jokes and giggling to each other, Rose and Kanaya discussing some random ass book, Vriska and Terezi cackling and shoving each other, and John attempting to have a conversation with Gamzee. That last of which doesn’t look like it’s going so well. 

 

Sollux is nowhere to be found. My guess is he’s somewhere making out with Aradia again. This is one of those moments when I really fucking wish he stuck around for once, because Dave is looking at me scrambling for something to say. I just flash him a look and take a bite of one of my dry-ass chicken tenders. They’re terrible as usual. 

 

Right as he’s about to say something, I turn my attention towards Jade and Nepeta. 

“So, I guess you’re Jade?” I’m talking to the drop dead fucking gorgeous new kid at the table. She looks like she could lift a tank, has fairly clear skin, and wonderfully bouncy, curly hair. Her bright green eyes twinkle when she smiles, and I suddenly feel very self conscious. 

“Yep! Jade Harley! I guess John told you our names already. I’m guessing you’re Katkat?”

I correct her. “Karkat. But, yeah. John has the locker next to mine and I guess he wanted us to all meet each other.” 

Jade puts a finger up and I notice several colorful bands on it. “One second!” 

She reaches in her bag and pulls out a notebook covered in dog stickers, a dog pencil, and a small bag of tiny rainbow rubber bands.”

Nepeta immediately makes a comment about the stickers. “Oh my god! Where did  _ mew _ get those?” 

I smack a hand to my face. “Nepeta I swear to god if you make another damn cat pun…”

She narrows her eyes and smirks at me. “What are you gotta do? Call the  _ purr- _ lice?”

I nearly fling a chicken strip at her. I’ll get back at her later, but for now I’m going to try to keep it civil. Jade giggles again as she slips two rubber bands on her finger. 

“So these bad boys help me remember things. I’m going to try to give you each a band so I can remember your name!” So far we have…”

She points to me. “...Karkat?”

I nod, and she points to Nepeta. “Nepeta?”

She gives her a thumbs up. Jade goes down the line, getting everyone’s names and corresponding a rubber band to them. Afterwards, she thanks everybody and opens up her notebook. She has some crazy-ass combinations of letters and numbers written down in it.

 

I look at it like the paper just called me a bitch and threatened to gut me in my sleep. “What in fuck’s name is that shit?”

Jade writes down a long stream of letters and numbers rather quickly. “AP Chem. homework.”

That statement alone is enough to give me nightmares. “I’ll leave you to that…” 

She gives me a thumbs up and continues to work.

Jade Harley

Grade: Junior

Known since: The beginning of lunch.

Description: She’s pretty tall, muscular, smart, and beautiful. She seems to be a generally happy person that REALLY fucking likes dogs. We potentially have a third furry on our hands. She and Nepeta got along pretty well, and she has some pretty weird ways of remembering things. I guess it works though, seeing as she was solving scientific equations in her head like nobody’s business. She’s less irritating than John, but she’s definitely cheerful. Maybe she can help me with my bullshit chem homework?

Height: 5’10

Race: Native Islander

∆: Bork

 

I look over at Dave. He’s just awkwardly scrolling through his phone. I watch as Rose prods his shoulder and hands him a sandwich, a bag of grapes, and some baby carrots. He looks at the food with an expression of pure shock and quietly thanks her. He immediately begins to scarf down the food as if someone could take it from him at any second. He eats like a starved fucking animal. I remember the days when I used to give him the apples from my lunchbox and he would act like I’d just proposed to him. I feel for him for a moment. Nobody deserves to live like that, no matter what.

 

“Don’t mind my brother.” 

 

I’m caught off guard by Rose talking to me. 

“Oh, sorry I — ” She cuts me off.

“It’s fine.” She moves the hair out of her face and takes another bite of her pasta. 

 

Wait a second.

 

“Hold on, you’re Dave’s sister?” 

She looks back up at me. “Actually, yes. We were separated very young when our parents divorced. We didn’t find out until… sometime around last year? I always assumed it was just me and my older sister. It surely was a surprise to find out there were two more kids.” 

My eyes get wider. “TWO more?” 

Rose looks at me funny. “...Yes? Is there something weird about this information?” She looks from me to Dave as if she’s searching for an answer to something. It’s unsettling. Dave breaks the silence.

“We used to be friends. He uh, he never knew about you, Dirk, or Roxy. I mean, neither did I but…”

 

Wait…did Dave just properly gender me?

 

Rose nods, but she doesn’t seem satisfied yet. “Used to?”

I cut in before Dave can say anything. “Shit happened.” I make the most direct eye contact I can with Dave. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He seems to get the message as he looks away and begins chowing down on his last carrot. 

Rose picks up on this interaction. “Hmm… Well, whatever happened I hope you two can work through it, seeing as I’m certainly coming back tomorrow to eat here. I’m sure John and Jade will as well.” She looks at Dave. “Which means…”

 

I sigh. Fuck.

 

Looking around the table, it seems like everyone's cleaning up. I eat the last of my fries and begin to do the same. I stand up and throw away my shit, looking around. Gamzee’s nowhere to be found, John and Dave are talking, Rose and Kanaya are walking together to history, Jade and Nepeta are both gone, and Vriska is trying to convince Terezi to skip their next block. I decide to take off before the halls get too crowded. Lunch ends in about five minutes. 

 

I take a second to stretch. My binder is starting to feel a little too tight on me. It always bothers me about halfway through the day, but at least the damn thing hides my tits a little bit. I start walking towards the exit, but I feel someone tap my shoulder. I turn around and see Dave.

 

“Dude, I really need to talk to you, okay?” He looks a little desperate.

I cross my arms and start tapping my foot. “Make it quick then.”

“This isn’t exactly something that’s gonna be quick to talk about. I mean there’s just so much to say? I really don’t know where to begin with it? It’s like when you walk into the all-you-can-eat buffet and there’s about 73 different options for where you can go first? But a kid just threw up into the meatloaf tin so that narrows it down to 72? I just — ”

“Get to the damn point.” I don’t have time for his shit.

“Just…here.” He pulls a slip out of his pocket and hands it to me. “Please don’t throw it away. I know you’re pissed at me and you have every right to be but…can you at least hear me out?”

I unfold the paper. He messily scribbled his number on it in red ink. Dave starts talking again.

“Just text me when you’re ready to talk, aright? I’m not gonna ask for your number or anything just…I wanna try to fix this.”

I consider crumbling the paper and throwing it the trash can next to me, but I can’t will myself to do it. 

I huff out a sigh and slip the paper in my pocket. “Fine.”

He looks relieved. “Oh, thank god…Thanks, I…uh…Yeah. Thanks.”

I roll my eyes and start to walk away, glancing back at him briefly. He seemed to have a small smile on his face. I shove my hands in my hoodie pocket and quickly head to my next class. 

 

I really hope I don’t regret this later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two whole chapters are out hell yeAH
> 
> we now have a tumblr specifically for fic news and shit: www.voidfics.tumblr.com


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